The Barrow Man Cometh
Yep. That’s me. I am the barrow man. At least in the eyes of Homebase. I needed a new wheelbarrow (seeing as some fecker pinched mine from my very own back garden) to help along with the necessary things that one needs a wheelbarrow for. There is an art to wheelbarrowing you know. Maybe another day I will pass on the secret. I’m sure Mickmak already knows the art, being in the farming and land management business. Anyway, back to my barrow. First thing to do when purchasing stuff now is to check up on the net to see who has the best deals on. That means you can go straight to the jugular without having to drive from here to there. It was then that I found out that the net was no good. All the stores who stocked the very barrow what that I wanted were sold out. Feck!!
Let’s go to Homebase anyway. They are having a double Nectar points day. Yippeee! On arrival we go and look at various things that my wife wants. I am NOT allowed near the tool department. Apparently I have enough tools. I try to explain but to no avail. She doesn’t believe me that maybe there’s something new out there that no man can do without. Bah. I’ll have to go on my own someday, once I can walk in a straight line on my own that is. Damn Vertigo. Back to things my wife wants. We look around the plants and bits and pieces. She keeps piling stuff onto the trolley what that I am holding onto for dear life as I am going to fall off the pavement any time now.
Eventually, eventually she finishes. I can now go and look for stuff that might be of interest to me now. We come back inside from the Garden department and I very cleverly steer the trolley towards the builders end. Bang! Before she knows it we are right in the middle of gadgets and things and tools and stuff and everything I want. What is this I see before me?
Is this a wheelbarrow I see before me? It is a wheelbarrow I see before me. A brand spanking new shiny heavy duty industrial builders wheelbarrow all on it’s own. The net told me that this store didn’t sell this type of wheelbarrow. The net needs sorted. Or the programmer in charge of stock control for this store needs a kick up the backside. I look around to make sure that no-one else has maybe got their beady eye on it (not that I have a beady eye or eyes) No, it’s there for the grabbing. I tell my wife to take control af the trolley and I grab the wheelbarrow. I am a happy camper.
Now the checkout for this store is nearly two miles away (slight wee exaggeration there folks but you know what I mean) so there’s me and my Wheely. (I’ve grown so fond of him I’ve already given him a name) going along the aisles proudly showing off. There’s my wife behind me pushing the trolley. Now if I had been thinking properly or even thinking at all I would have put everything from the trolley into Wheely and then I could really show off my barrowing skills. But no. The paintwork was so shiny and clean and nice and new. Why muck it up here in the store. Wheely and I have to get to know each other a bit longer before he starts any of the carrying stuff.
I am putting a warning out now. Any b$%^£$d who wants to even think about stealing Wheely from my back garden, think again. I have him safely locked up until use is required.
Mickmak, you are a true star. Your parcel arrived this morning to much excitement from the dogs. (bloody postmen can’t seem to find doorbells these days) Imagine my surprise upon opening said parcel. If anyone can guess what else Mickmak had put in the parcel then award your self two jube jubes. (you will need to read back a bit on the blog comments if they are still there for a clue) I now have your address Mickmak. You are one of the elite who has space in my Address Book, providing the laptop doesn’t crash or something.
If anybody can match the gack above about making a purchase lets hear it. Just click on the above title bar and start writing. We won’t laugh at you, honest
Yours truly
Myself and Wheely
Posted :: Tuesday 5/26/2009 2:53:00 AM
Best Day Yet
Looks like things are looking up again. I have started to show an interest in music again. Not only that, I am buying music again. At the moment I am awaiting the delivery of the new New York Dolls CD what that I ordered on the net the other day. I am also looking for a copy of the King Crimson CD In The Court Of The Crimson King. Not only am I buying new stuff but I am going back a few years as well.
Today I was doing the ironing to the wonderful stoner music of Monster Magnet. It was brill. I just felt like I did when I was but a lad and listening to such eclectic music. Tomorrow I will finish the ironing to the tunes of either The Grateful Dead or even some Frank Zappa. It looks as though my motivation has at last come back. Bit by bit. I am also doing the hovering and the dusting. Great innit?
As for the reading. I can’t get enough of it. In the past number of weeks I have been reading about one book a week. Maybe more. I feel better all round at the moment. Good stuff. Wahay for me. Now, what about you lot? Tell me all the juice. Mickmak is having a great time what with the rain and wheat and family etc. Not only that, but he has unearthed a UK stereo re-issue of The Rolling Stones Through The Past Darkly album from the 1960’s. It looks as though he doesn’t want it so it might become the latest addition to the Great Collection over here. Double wahay!
Here’s another wahay for you all. This will be the triple wahay. A guy. A very nice guy wrote into the blog the other day. His name is Vlado. (that’s not his real name but it’s his known name) and he and I worked together for a number of years in the conservation business. He is now out in Africa helping the underprivileged kids make something of themselves. He’s a great all round kind of guy. There should be more people like him in this world. I’m a great believer in the point that everybody, and I mean everybody should spend some of their life doing volunteer work of some description during their lifetime. Me, I did my first stint at the age of 14. I continued up until I retired from work last year. Over the years I have covered many aspects of volunteering. One thing for sure. It was always good fun. If you haven’t already tried it give it a bash. You never know. You might just enjoy it.
One other thing for Mickmak. I can take a hint. I will take it upon myself to track down a copy of the programme mentioned by the others. I just might know someone who knows someone who knows who I am. My name does carry some clout in higher places you know. (well, I think so anyway) (then again, maybe not)
Just got news. Breaking news. My daughter has just got word that she has been shortlisted as an applicant for a new job. That must be the fourth wahay. My God. We’re having an awful lot of wahays today. This must be a record indeed. Unless of course I just through another wahay in here and there. Better still. How about WAHAY!!! That should put a bit more OOOMMMPPH to it
This day has probably been the best day for me yet. Since I got out of hospital anyway. What’s your day been like then? You can tell me. You can tell everyone who reads this gack. All you need to do, just like the latest newcomer did, is to click on the title bar above and leave your comments.
Byse byse for now
Posted :: Wednesday 5/20/2009 12:02:00 PM
Bored....or what
Well folks. It looks like you have nothing to say. At least nothing about the last blog attempt. What’s wrong? Fallen out? Thrown your toys out of the pram? Dirtied your nappy?
Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you are all just being too busy to read this wonderful piece of gack that I take so much time over. Or is it something more sinister. Something or someone has gotten your eye and is writing better gack than what I write. I doubt. After all, I am the gackmaster, am I not? It was me who started writing gack in the first place. Anybody attempting to copy my writing gack style may see themselves up in court for plagiarism. We will wait and see.
Not wanting to sound off too much. Where have you all been then? There’s one guy in Australia. There’s one or two, maybe three of you in London. There’s this guy in the home town who thinks he knows me. Ha! You can only know a person if you live with them. In’t that right St*&%^$( There’s also those awful nice peeps in ‘merica. So where are youse all. You can’t all be that busy. You know how much I like to read your stuff in the morning. Come back to me. Come back.
Changing that subject matter. As for me. I am well. I am getting back to doing things. Except for one feckin’ thing that is holding me back. My feckin’ Vertico. Yesterday I was stuck in the house (can’t go out because of it) and I had to sit in my chair most of the day. When I did get up for a call of nature, as one does(even Queenie has to) I bounced off the walls as though I had had 10 pints and then some. There was a time when I could have had 10 pints and then some and still walk in a straight crooked line but never bounce off the feckin’ walls. I phoned the Doc this morning and pleaded with him (well not actually pleaded but you get the picture) and he told me to double the dose of tabs I am currently taking and he will refer me to the ENT peeps. (no, not Treebeard’s folks, the peeps who can maybe sort this problem out) This is one clinic I am looking forward to.
So, you might gather from above, I am not venturing outside much this weather. I can’t go to the shops to be served by those nice gum chewing wee lassies who don’t care who you are. (they don’t know who I am anyway, why waste my time telling them) (you all know who I am, I am the ‘GACKMASTER’)
Better go now as my daytime telly progs are about to start. Sad, innit but maybe I will win the £5000 today on Dickies Real Deal. You never know. Now what can I spend the money on…..Mmmmmmmm
Byse byse
For real contact just click on the title above and tell me all
Posted :: Wednesday 5/6/2009 5:43:00 AM
