Elephant Sir What Elephant
Indeed. What Elephant? The feckin elephant that is in my stateroom (that's cabin to the less initiated)
There was this night that I went to my stateroom and walked in in the dark. I put the lights on and nearly jumped back outside again as my eyes couldn't possibly believe what they were seeing. An elephant!!!!! In my stateroom. More about that later.
What a time my wife and I have just had. It was fan-bloody-mar-velous-tastic to say the least. Everything there was just sp well organized. I don't know where to start.
The amount of beer bellies that were sunning themselves at the poolside was incredible. And that was just the women!! Mind you, the amount of breasts that were on show was just as good. And that was just the men!!! (make a note for next cruise---no overweight people to come into my line of sight)
Of course, when I say the place was organized, I don't just mean by the staff. By the time we got up on deck to do a bit of the old sun soaking and water games things had got themselves organized. It was made quite clear who got what decks and why. Top deck was for the gorgeous people, next deck was for the people who think they are gorgeous, next to them is for the OK people, next to them are just plain and next to them are the uglies. Intermingled in between all these people are the 'I don't care, my monies as good as yours' people. (that's me and my wife and about 1500 other people) It was all great fun. Especially when people were fighting over sun loungers. And there were no Germans to be seen, anywhere. On a cruise ship one of the rules is, no reserving seats or loungers. Great innit?
So many things to tell. Where do I go next The food. It was delicious. It is probably the best food I have ever tasted outside of my own home that is. Of course you always get some dodo who will complain about something. Example. In the morning there are various types of meals available to suit all cultures. They make mountains and mountains of the stuff. Especially the bacon. Beautiful. One morning there was a whole dooda about the bacon. What was the matter with it. It's not English bacon. There we are out in the middle of the Med and this man is complaining that the feckin' bacon is not English. Tssch. Some people don't know ther're born.
I am tired now and in bed doing this just so that you have something to read. I will finish off for now about the elephant in my stateroom. It wasn't a real one of course. Sorry to make you think that it might be. It was one that was made out of our new towels that the attendant had left for us. Everynight after that we found a different animal or animals in our room. We had kissing swans / a monkey / a stingray / a scorpion / a bunny rabbit / a dog and another one which I am still trying to figure out. It was a bit like origami except with towels.
There is so much more to tell but my eyes are closing so I better close now. I will tell you about my experianes in the pools some other time. Especially about the time My trunks nearly hit the wall before I did. Not a pleasant sight, I can tell you . Scared the shit out of me anyway.
Comments as usual always welcome (except from those feckers who mess up the system)
ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Posted :: Saturday 6/28/2008 2:12:00 PM
Nellie the Elephant
Packed his bags and trotted off to the Cruise Ship. This will be the last blog until I get back from my / our cruise at the end of the month. I / we are really looking forward to it. Everything is all paid for, including the tips. I am glad I paid for it when I did. And got my Euro's when I did. The exchange rate has taken as big a nosedive as a blue whale. If I have any left afterwards I think I will just hold on to them. Maybe the way things are going there might be parity with the good ole £ and Euro when we get back. As I always say at moments like this....who cares
I've been checking my Ebay account on an hourly basis. I have quite a few items up for auction at the mo. The BIG problem is. Some of them are due to end while I'm away. My stupidity for not thinking ahead enough. Mind you, I can always get an email off to peeps who have bought stuff from me from the ship. Even though it will cost me .55cents an hour. Wait and see. Wait and see.
While I'm away with my wife I won't be able to read or reply to any of your comments. Don't let this stop you posting your little gems. I love to read them. It's amazing to know that there are so many of you out there that take the time to even read my gack never mind posting more gack of your own. Please keep gacking.
(That's the begging bit done now son, get back to writing gack)
We have some real idiots out the back of us. It is coming up to the bonnie season. They are all out there gathering up the pallets and boxes and bushes and trees and fences and whatever they can get their hands on for the big night on the 11th. What do the ones out the back of us do? They gather the gack up and burn it every feckin' night! Idiots or what? This is why, when the 11th comes round we are known to have the teeniest, tiniest bonnie around because they are sooooo thick. If any of you are reading this, you know who you are. You're THICK!
By going away like this I am hoping that we will have friends to come home to. By friends, I mean our two dogs. They go for their holidays on Friday when we take them to the kennels. This is the one part of holidaying that I don't like. The redhead is OK. It's the look that the blond gives you when you walk away from the kennel. It's the huffing that she does when you collect them again. As I say, the redhead is fine. It's the blond. Any suggestions as to how to deal with a huffing dog, please, please let me know.
So, for now, We are sailing, we are sailing (well first we are flying and then we are sailing)across the sea..........
I look forward to all your comments as always (just click on the title above)
Cheers for now
Posted :: Wednesday 6/11/2008 1:06:00 PM
'I Can See Clearly Now'
'I Can See Clearly Now' the windys are clean. Yep, I can now see clearly into my garden, both back and front, now that the windys are clean. I don't mean by the window cleaner outside but the window cleaner inside (me). They don't call me Sammy the Shammy for no reason. In fact, they don't call me Sammy for any reason!
I just happened to notice the other day how dull the glass was in our windows. My wife suggested that it might be dirt on the inside (I was beginning to wonder what we paid a window cleaner for)My wife explained that window cleaners don't do inside, unless you are Robin Askwith of course. (who remembers him?)(probably Britains answer to a porn star of the 60's) Anyway, back to the windows. I thought that i would give it a go and clean them on the inside. BIG mistake. Once you do one you have to do ALL of the feckers. I worked at them doing so many a day. I also noticed something happening to my upper body. It hurt like feck. Not only that. My man boobs were getting smaller and more firm. So thats why window cleaners look fit. They don't go to the gym. They just clean windows and save the gym fees to go to the pub after.
All windows clean now and I am enjoying a cup of coffee as I jot this gack down.
On the radio, whilst doing this, someone has been talking about motor sports. All types of motor sports. With all types of motor vehichles. Everything you could think of. They were selling an event that is happening somewhere in the country. It sounds like a good day out. Then. Someone comes on the radio and says that the event sounds great. Only. What about Stock Car Racing / Demolition Derby's? Indeed. These sports were nomentioned at all. Why not? i have very fond memories of going to the Clandeboye Road Football grounds in the 60's and watching the Stock Cars beating the crap out of each other. A great nights entertainment. No wonder kids say they have nothing to do. Over the years / decades it seems as though either the council or landowners have totally depleted all of Bangor's activities. When i lived in london i got involved in a small way with customized cars, all because of my trips to the Stock Car Races. Anybody else remember other things that were good fun and have disappeared into oblivion over the years (comments welcome below)
I was having a debate, a rather serious debate the other night with my good friend Dr Smirnoff. Subject of the debate. Who is the most bootlegged band / artist in the world? We got it down to 2 artists. The Beatles , and of course my favorite, The Rolling Stones. Much research was done on this issue. It's a very important thing to know. I checked books and more books. Nothing concrete. I had once read that The Rolling Stones were probably the most bootlegged. But I had also heard that The Beatles were. We were really getting into a heated debate by this time. In the end I fell asleep (passed out) and forgot about the whole thing! Who cares anyway.
My daughter phoned me last night to let me / us know that she had arrived safe and sound in the good ole US of A. She is now in Camp (no, she is not Camp, she is in Camp) and getting ready for the training sessions. You know, how to shout at kids who won't do as they are told etc etc No, not really. She is learning how to deal with kids from all walks of life in a diplomatic way.
Should anyone feel the urge to comment on any of this gack please feel free to put you musings below. Just click on the title and a wee windy (no pun intended) will open for you. I look forward to reading your thoughts. I am away now to look at pictures of my GREAT boots which will come flying in the big bird across the water to my front door. If only
Posted :: Wednesday 6/4/2008 4:24:00 AM
Sibling Love.....NOT LIKELY
My daughter goes off to the USA tomorrow to boss around some kids in a camp somewhere. She will be gone for 3 months. My son was going to work today. It was a 12.00 noon start. I said to him 'Will you be home after work?' 'Mmmmmm. maybe, maybe not. Why?' was his reply. I mentioned to him that his sister was going off in the morning and this might be the last time he will see her until September.
Well, picture this. He dropped everything and ran towaqrds her and threw his arms around her and gave her the biggest hug you could imagine. He said to her how much he will miss her. I thought for a moment he was going to cry.
Then i awoke. i was standing there waiting for his reply. After a few long seconds his face began to contort. Then the noise came. The only noise that he can make when confrontation is in his way...... 'UH?'
So we have left it that we are to waken him at 7.00AM tomorrow and he will say goodbye to his sister. Probably that is all he will say. (he is not a morning person)
After the previous blog I was stunned / amazed / dumbfounded / blown away with all the responses. I honestly didn't realize that so many people actually read the thing. It was fantastic. And, all you peeps, I love to read all your comments. Reading in between the lines of most of them I can only assume that you are all about the same age as myself. Maybe a few years older / younger. The same era anyway. Keep it up. Well done. Hurrah etc. etc.
Coming back to my daughter. as she is going away for quite a while, I mentioned to her that I might have these fantastic boots that I saw in London. I even offered to let her see them on the internet to show her how great they are. Her reply. No thanks. Young un's today. They just aren't interested in high fashion the way we parents are.
I have definitely made up my mind, probably. I will maybe get these GREAT boots when I return from our cruise. Possibly.
After my slight mishap on the Bank holiday last week I have decided to have another go with the strimmer. The next good day that I am not doing anything or have other more important things to do. Like catalogue my Rolling Stones collection (yep, still doing that) or read a book, or clean the kitchen etc You know what I'm saying here?
I could always pay someone to come and do it for me. Yes, that makes sense. I'll get the money from my wife and get someone who does that sort of thing. Easy way out again!!!!
Talking about the good ole days in Bangor Town. Lets all hear from you guys out there. Ex Pats and locals alike. There are so many places that brings back so many good memories to me. Ward Park.....kissed my first girl there (I was about 7 at the time) The Tonic (not that place The Odeon) The Tonic was great. Can you name your first matinee there. Mine was Summer holiday with cliff and the Shadows. Also saw the first James bond film there (I also fell in love with Rachel Welch at the same time)Also at the tonic. the Bowling Alley upsatirs. I had the sh*t scared out of me there. What who by. The Teddy Boys of course.
Lets hear some more
Comments, as usual, welcome. (above, click,write)
Posted :: Sunday 6/1/2008 1:41:00 PM
