Will I make my fortune--or NOT
My fortune or NOT. That is the question. For the past number of days I have been busy putting stuff on Ebay to sell. Or not to sell, depending if anyone out there in the ether of space wants my stuff or not. We will have to wait and see. I will know more from Wednesday onwards. My sales start to end every day from then onwards for the next week. I can always put more stuff up for sale after that depending on how things go. No matter, it's all good fun. (well nearly, I am trying to get more cash together to buy the boots. I have now paid for the cruise extras so any money coming in from now on goes towards the boots)(wait and see)
Talking of boots. I was down at the car boot sale today. The sun was shining and there were loads of peeps there as well. I was looking for some reading material. As in decent books. I have come to the conclusion that decent books are now a thing of the past at car boot sales. All that you can find are Maeve Binchy and Patricia Cornell. Womens books, lovey dovey books, not MAN books where the story has BALLS. I did pick up 1 book today for 50p that is supposed to be a MAN book with BALLS, at least that is what she told me. Her husband agreed! Wait and see. Wait and see.
After my wee spell in hospital I have been taking things real easy. Still doing the housework but at a much slower pace. It works for me. The only thing is, I find that I'm drinking far too many cups of tea in between jobs, and wee naps. At this rate i will come to a point when I won't actually get anything done at all, because I'll have to go and buy a new kettle, preferably at the car boot sale where everything is so cheap.
Had to have serious words with our son today. Six words in fact. 'Find a place of your own'. I don't think he was too impressed. He did answer us though. Something in the line of 'uuuuhhh'. I will get back with a translation sometime. He works at his job. But the rest of the time he sleeps and sometimes he eats here. Most of the time he doesn't come home unless he needs a change of clothes or a shower or his clothes laundered for him. He does nothing around the house to help. At all. Do anyt of you have a son or sons like this. If so, maybe we they can get together and get a place between them. Oh, and pay the bills as well
Excitement, excitement. It has been announced that The Rolling Stones are to tour late next year. Don't know where or the exact dates as of yet. But this is really exciting stuff. Well for me anyway. Mick isn't getting any younger. He was 65 the other day. (I wonder does he get a FREE bus pass?)
Ronnie will have to stay sober for thr tour as well. As for Keef. He's alive to anything anyway. He defies medical science does Keef. The only one who really worries me is Charlie. If he says he doesn't want to tour, that's it, the whole thing is fecked. So please include Charlie in your prayers or whatever until the tour starts.
Of course, they could all be dead by next year anyway!!!!
Comments welcome. Just click on the title and add your waffle
Posted :: Sunday 7/27/2008 10:28:00 AM
The noises of life!
beep beep---beep beep---beep beep---
boop boop boop boop
The are just some of the noises one would hear in hospital when you are in a ward with everyone hooked up to some sort of machine or other. How anyone is supposed to get peace and quiet, I don't know. I managed to get some sleep, just.
Yes folks. I have been in hospital. How did you guess. I managed to catch some sort of lethal infection called DKA. Never mind DKNY as a designer lable. I now have a designer sickness. Beat that. Another thing about the noises. Being hooked to a machine means that you have tubes going into you as well. I had so many feckin' tubes going into me I could easily have been a monster in Dr Who. They were everywhere! After a few days i was allowed to use the bathroom all by myself. This meant unhooking me everytime I needed the loo. This in itself was a major operation. The Student Nurses (all gorgeous) couldn't do it unsupervised so they had to get a Nurse(some gorgeous, some not so) to show them. So there was me trying to show a bit of patience while all the time I was ready to pee myself. Not very dignified. But I managed anyway. I didn't pee the bed once. Not bad for a man of my age under the circumstances
As for the farting. I was put into a mixed ward. Mixed because I was the only male patient there. And it wasn't me farting. That just leaves the 80 year old women that were in the ward with me. They can fart better than any man i know. I think the secret is. They bottle it all up during the day and then let it all out during the night when they think everyone else is asleep. not so missus. As i was only brought up to the ward at 1.00AM I was still wide awake.
Why so late. Well it all started a couple of weeks ago. Do you remember me telling you that my wife and i had caught a wee bug whilst flying home from our cruise? I went onto anti biotics, didn't work, went back to GP, GP examined me, asked if I was driving, no, asked if I was walking, getting panicky, no my wife is picking me up, said she would phone for an ambulance to pick me up from my house, SHIT WHATS WRONG DOC? ended up in casualty, examined, put in resuss ward, awaiting bed, this is now 9.00PM, get to ward at 1.00AM. That is the chain of events leading up to my hospitalization.
Moral of the story. Don't fly on planes with sick people who spread germans all over the place. If possible, fly private. After all, do they not know who I am?
Anyway, I am now home and taking things really easy. So easy in fact I was not even interested in my laptop. Gawd, I must've been sick. One thing i did miss though. And that was the 11th / 12th July antics. I didn't have to listen to the sash once this year. Brilliant. Not that I'm against it or anything like that. It just gets a wee tad tedious. (I live near one of the practice halls that the bands use) All the tunes sound the same to me. As Billy Connelly says about Scottish Pipe Bands, the same applies to Ulster Flute (blood & thunder) Bands. They all sound the same to me.
I might take a wee dander to the post office to send away items that were sold on my Ebay site while I was in hospital. If I can make it to my front door then I should be alright. If not, then the winners will just have to wait a couple of days more. I have already mailed them to apologise for any delays due to being in hospital so that should cover me.
I will sit here for a while now and take things really easy. I might even take a wee nap. Yes, that's a good idea. A wee nazzzzzZZZZZZ
All comments really really welcome. I awake every morning with anticipation. I laugh out loud. (apparently it's good for you) So, if you want to help me back to full health send in your comments / findings / musings etc
Byse byse or in hospital speak
Posted :: Wednesday 7/16/2008 7:06:00 AM
OMG OMG OMG
Oh My Gawd! What have we come home to. After arriving home full of it we are soooooo disappointed with our son. Guess what. Yes. He has had a party. Not just any old one nighter, but, according to my neighbour, it lasted one week. After him promising not to have anyone in the house while we were away.
Everyday we are finding out things that have gone on. It took me nearly a whole day to fix the curtain pole. He says he tripped on the curtain bringing the imaginary washing in. He would need to have been the Incredible Hulk to have bent the pole the way it was. Some fecker has been playing Tarzan on them!!!
After the curtain pole was fixed (involving taking down, taking apart, putting in the vice in the workshop to make it right again, putting it back together, re-hanging everything) I was pretty fecked. Anyway, being the retired House Husband that I am I thought I would do a wee bit of hoovering / vacuuming whatever. I got the Dyson out. I started. What is that smell? Where is it coming from? I kept going. I noticed that it needed emptying. I got the canister off the machine and took it out to the bin to empty. Tipped up. What comes out? Sick, vomit, boke, puke, and such like. I nearly added my own to it upon this mangey sight. Obviously someone had been sick in the house and had tried to clean it up with the cleaner. (note to Mr Dyson, 'Put sticker on your machines to warn people NOT to be used for the cleaning up of sick as the young people of today are too thick to realize this for themselves'.)
Anyway, after stripping down (not me) the machine I had the un-enviable pleasure of scooping out handfuls of boke etc, mixed with dog hairs and other muck , with my hands and washing out the necessary parts that were beyond reach. Left to dry, while I was dry retching myself, and then carried on with other housework. Eventually got the hoovering done. Went to sit down, fuming, for a while. Played my Nintendo DS. Beat the fecker who was playing me. Felt better. Made a cup of coffee and awaited the return of my son. Just so that he could explain things in his own language. (he speaks lie by the way.)
Anyway. We are home a week now and still finding out things. All, or nearly all, the drink has been drunk. He has been told to replace all of it. One of my hats has been damaged beyond repair. He has been told to replace that. Don't know how as i bought it in Camden Town. They are not available over here. All foreign objects that I keep finding (eg stuff that does not belong in this house) I am just putting in the bin for him to rescue on behalf of his 'friends'.
He has been told to look for a place of his own after he comes back from the Oxygen festival which is on next week. I was nearly going to use the ticket myself only there are no acts that would warrant me going to it.
Back to our holiday. My trunks hitting the wall before me for instance. There is this thing called a Flowrider on the ship. It is one of those things where you can surf or bodyboard on. The force of the water coming at you allows you to do either depending how much you want to show off to the girls. (I showed off more to the girls than most accomplished surfers did, that's for sure) Never having done this sort of thing before I just had to have a go. I am drawn to these thing like a magnet. Oh look! I've never done this in my life. I must do it before I die or kill myself doing it. Anyway. I sign up, I queue up, I get 30 seconds instruction from the girl, I do it, I come off straight away. The girl says i can have another go. I do it again. I am Flowriding people. I am, honestly. I am riding the machine (well water really) I am holding on like I was told to. It is a fantastic feeling. Then the next feeling I begin to get is that my shorts are sliding down my bum. My bum is exposed. How do I know this. I can feel the water going over it , that's how. Panic. Panic. No, don't panic. No matter what happens, hold onto those feckin' shorts and the feckin' I can feel my shorts, I grab them and give them a pull. I am still holding onto the board, gawd knows how, and I am still riding the water. Ooooops. I moved the wrong way. I shoot head over heels and hit the wall. It's a sponge type wall, but I made it. Still wearing my shorts. I hate to think what it would have been like if my shorts had hit the wall before me. Maybe put off at the next port of call. Thankfully no.
After that I went an tried to climb the 40 foot climbing wall. Another thing that I have never done in my life. Before I die and all that. I got harnessed up. Signed the bit of paper. Got in the queue. Got roped in. 30 seconds instruction from the girl (is there something against boys giving instruction?) Started climbing. It was great. I managed to get to THREE AND A HALF FEET. It's not as easy as it looks. But I can now say that I've tried it. I didn't try the Ice Skating as the last time had skates on I ended up breaking my ankle within 5 minutes of wearing them.
Back to housework now. Found a broken piece of crockery cleverly stashed in the bin. Have to see what the stoey is behind this. He has been wearing my clothes as well during my absence. I think I will wear his clothes for a while and see how he feels. Maybe not, i don't look right wearing hoodies and low crotch jeans with a wedgie
Ta for now. All comments always welcome
Posted :: Saturday 7/5/2008 8:03:00 AM